Sting Does Yoga Here

Sting was in town for a concert in the nearby vineyards that put his classic tracks up against a symphony orchestra. Busy as he may be, he still took the time to get his Bikram Yoga fix.

He just casually rocked up for class at the Adelaide Bikram Yoga center, and few recognized him -- until he signed in. On the sheet he wrote: "Sting, New York" which leads me to wonder just how many official documents you can get away with just singing your ridiculous stage name. Does he not use his real name anymore? Methinks he just wanted to get recognized exactly for the purpose of taking photos like this one above!

I Love this Analysis of Australian Cities

Adelaide was voted most livable city in Australia! Woo-hoo, I picked the right one. I think voting was based on categories like "can get to work quicker than the time it takes to cook a turkey," "cab rides from the airport cost less than $140" and "don't have to donate serum monthly to contribute to rent payments." I really do think Adelaide deserves some recognition though - sitting between beautiful beaches, breathtaking hills, and a quick drive from gorgeous vineyards it truly is in a fantastic location.

Read this comparison of Australian cities to school kids written on The Punch:

Melbourne’s too easy. Melbourne’s the self-harming emo kid who writes bad poetry. And sometimes, almost accidentally, great poetry. On the weekend he goes to see bands no one’s ever heard of in bars down dingy alleyways. He knows he’s cooler than the superficial bimbos around him. He sulks.

Sydney’s the coke-snorting former bit-part actor who’s now teaching drama. Beautiful bordering on blowsy, with delusions of a grandeur just slightly fading. It takes a bit more lippy in the morning, but most of the class still want to shag her.

Brisbane got her ears pierced too early, chews gum loudly, and is really really popular.

Perth’s the kid no one really knows who always has wads of money to spend at the tuck shop. Hobart’s the quiet kid in the corner who only recently acquired nerd-chic.

Darwin doesn’t give much of a shit, and was the first one to get fake ID so he could buy cheap booze for the other kids.

Canberra probably has to be the principal. All rules and regulations and processes. Makes the occasional dad’s joke. Thinks he’s the centre of everyone else’s universe.

And Adelaide spends her time in class staring out the window, dreaming she is beautiful like Sydney or cool like Melbourne or popular like Brisbane. When really she’s OK.

Irreverent Newscasters

Watching the news is a trip -- Aussies can get away with a lot as newscasters. Like this am on the national morning news, a reporter was making a face like he was in pain while listening to traditional Chinese opera singing! Another newscaster was commenting on Li Na, the tennis player finalist in the Australian Open, and noted how "good of a personality she has for being a Chinese athlete."

Earlier this week I also saw the hosts break the news that Oprah has a half sister -- the reporter looked at this picture and said "Yup, half sister looks about right" which I took to be a crack at Oprah's size!!!!!!!! How dare he insult Queen Qantas - Our Lady of American Tourists?

The Music is Way Cool

Non-commerical radio combines two brilliant concepts. No top 40 music and no commercials. Not one. Ever. Can you even imagine American radio without car salesmen shouting at you before you are fully awake in the morning? Or not having to hear about some snotty female radio DJ's plug for how well her laser hair removal treatment went? Advertisement-free radio is absolutely delightful.

A big part of the Australia Day festivities are centered around Australia's youth public radio station called Triple J (I've been listening to this station for a year now -- from the states as well -- and I freakin love it). Every Jan 26 they do a top 100 songs of the year countdown and I'd recommend getting this music on your mp3 player stat. You can also listen live online. You are welcome.

Happy Australia Day!

The summer holiday equivalent of the US's Fourth of July! No work today -- I'm off to the cricket!

Tour Down Under

I was lucky enough to attend the Tour Down Under's last leg on Sunday. It was pretty cool because you get to stand right on the barricade as they whiz right past your face. One thing you might not realize about the tour is how chatty these guys manage to be as they grunt along. They are probably the losers or team members who aren't contributing jack sh*t at this point, but the ability to dish the hot goss while biking by at an average of 42.6 km/hr is pretty impressive.

And a side note about the tour: its a major point of contention between Adelaide (who currently hosts the tour in its beautiful city and hillside) and Melbourne (who managed to take Adelaide's highly successful Grand Prix and totally muck it up). Melbourne wants the profitable Tour Down Under for its own, and it has become a pretty ugly battle. The Melbourne Lord Mayor Robert Doyle has been laying down some pretty heavy verbal artillery on Adelaide, saying "You know, we're actually a destination." Doyle has long been a critic of Adelaide, having suggested in the past it has so little to redeem itself that it should be shut down. BURN. He is acting as if Adelaide is some shitty Australian version of Cleveland. Lord Mayor Bob is jealous!

What Are Classic Australian Foods?

Aside from eating kangaroo, there are many other classic Australian dishes. Americans frequently ask me "what do Aussies eat?" and I find myself using phrases like "flaky pastry," "meat-heavy," "fresh fruit" and "natural ingredients." I've tried most of these and they are amazing. Recipes are attached but the slideshow is also a feast for the eyes.

My first attempt at an Australian recipe was cooking "chicken and vegie rolls" pictured in the second photo (yes veggie with only one 'g'). They came out so well and were really easy to make. If interested, just follow this recipe that I got from the local grocery store.

Shameless

Caught this promo for a new reality TV show called Conviction Kitchen. Put several convicts in a room and get them to run a restaurant. Seems like great lengths are being taken to find the most volatile and explosive reality show contestants yet. Will the Aussies stoop to lapping up the same filth that the Americans subsist on? And I'm just wondering, does the winner get out of jail but the eliminated must return? Seems a bit irresponsible!

Koala Magic Mountain

Being from Florida, I don't ever think I will tire of the option to go hike up the hills here. My friend Bec took to a less popular trail on a Friday evening after work and everywhere we turned there were koalas chillin in the trees, just minding their koala business! If they weren't so damn cute it really would have been an infestation. Luckily I brought my camera, have a looksie:








See them in action in this video






































What's a hike without one of these assholes?

This Just In: Vegemite is Disgusting

I know I'll piss off a lot of Aussies with this post, but I can't be kept silent. Vegemite is rank. It took 14 years for this product to take off, and to do so, they had to give it away for free.

One whiff of the can and you'll surely want to kick a puppy. I didn't think it could get any worse until I saw these photos.

Curious to know more about how people actually enjoy this bottle of junk yeast left over from the fermentation of beer? Check out these sick recipes.

Cool Idea or One Step Short of Sniffing Underwear?

Apparently Adelaide is home to one determined photographer/massive Pearl Jam fan who is obsessed with taking a photo of Eddie Vedder. She has decided to take a photo every day until Pearl Jam comes to Adelaide and post it on her blog, and has even volunteered to exploit her two-year-old for the cause. So is this website an impressive effort to grab his attention or a publicity stunt to promote her photography? I vote both.

Shopping with Stocking Face

Pretty funny clip from the Australian show "The Chaser's War on Everything" Dude shops with a stocking on face.

Chrissy Part 2

So what is a summer Christmas like? Imagine eating turkey, stuffing and yams on your back patio on an early summer's day. Then mix in some British traditions like plum pudding and Christmas crackers (little popping firecracker in a piece of paper with jokes, paper crowns and toys inside). And since it is summer, appetizers include oysters and, yes, "shrimp on the barbie."

Typical Americans not thinking things through -- over here they are PRAWNS on the barbie, no one says "shrimp!"

Chrissy, Part 1

In the second week of November, I decided to attend the Adelaide Christmas Pageant. This was not some school age pathetic reenactment of the Nativity, but it was a small scale Macy's Day Parade. With of course, Aussie flair. See some of the floats created to excite the masses, over 6 weeks out from the big day.

That jester was seriously demented and his minions were frightening.

Deadly Tenant

So when I moved out here, I had to make peace with sharing the land with a large collection of scary, deadly creatures. Australia's meanest include:

• Estuarine crocodiles (these b*tches lurk in the ocean!)
  
• Venomous snakes, including the Inland Taipan, Coastal Taipan, Tiger Snake, Brown snake and Red-bellied black snake
• Marine creatures such as the Blue-ringed octopus, Box jellyfish, Stonefish and Irukandji
• Great White Sharks
  
• Spiders such as the Sydney Funnel web spider and the Redback spider

The last of the list -- the redbacks, who carry enough venom to kill a small child or eldery person -- have taken up residence in our shed and have nested on our back porch. The most dear to us is "Dexter" who created his kill room on our shed door (see photo).

In order to learn more about these natural born killers, we trapped two in a jar with a daddy long legs. Who do you suppose won the UFC? The redbacks of course! But since it was two against one, I'm not sure it was a fair fight..

If I haven't sold you on Australia yet, this song will:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wy_TB6onHVE

Aussie Slang: A Starter Pack

G'day!

Here's some slang to make sure that you aren't staring like a deer in the headlights like I was when I first arrived.**


Bush Telly = Campfire
Chrissie = Christmas
Bloke = a dude
Chewie = gum
Chockers = lots
Clucky = when you feel your maternal clock ticking
Feral = official definition says hippie but I get the impression of a dirty, trashy person with poor hygiene
Grog = alcohol
Lollies = candy
Mozzie = mosquito
Rock up = arrive
Shark Biscuit = novice surfer
Spit the dummy = throw a fit
Thingo = word used when you can't remember someone's name
Whinge = complain


An official definition of one of my favorite new words (which I think is the equivalent to white trash):
Bogan : person who takes little pride in his appearance, spends his days slacking and drinking beer


Some favorites that I've learned from work

Rellies = relatives
Sickie = sick day from work
Piss-fit = adjective to describe excellent alcohol tolerance
Piss-weak = the opposite, a lightweight

**Do not attempt to use these outside of Australia, you will sound like a crazy person.

Yes, Kangaroos Do Run Wild

I figured kangaroos would be a good place to start. On a casual Sunday afternoon hike, you commonly will see wild kangaroos hopping about the trail. I'm currently 2 for 2 on roo sightings on the hikes (not a lot of time for traipsing about the hills, unfortunately -- note to self: go for more).

In a weird way, these guys are like roided-out bunny rabbits. The hind legs on these bad boys are huge! Now I can see quite how terrified these immigrants must have been when victim of unwanted houseguests. See a comparison of photos I have taken below:







Cute



















Scary mo-fo