Typical

Here is an example of typical Aussie humor, taking the planking craze and making it an internal company joke. (click the image to zoom in)

As heard around Australia..

"That's not too devastating, yet.."

My awkward eye doctor trying to make conversation as he could not allow silence during my examination

Planking at Work

Employees around Australia are getting busted and consequently fired for planking at work. To try to attempt a bit of social commentary, I had a piece of Parmesan Cheese plank around the office for material for our company Facebook profile page. My boss has still yet to reply to my request to post... Too cheesy?

Rapture Fail

Being towards the beginning of the world clock, I got a sneak peek at doom's day -- which turned out to be a pretty nice day.

Fashion Whoopsies

Create this:



















And the reaction will be this:














Australian designer Lisa Burke is probably struggling to get out of bed today due to the backlash (read RAGE) of the Indian government/Hindu community/these folks burning the crappiest Aus flag I've ever seen. Apparently Krishna does not belong on one of the skimpiest staple wardrobe items or on a fashion runway. Her label Lisa Blue's FB page is a PR nightmare despite her numerous apologies. I betcha a Jesus bikini would be all the rage in the Midwest US Lisa, try your hand with that.

Aussie Dies During Planking Stunt

Now how can a pastime of purely laying down become lethal? When boneheads try it on the rail of a 7th story balcony whilst drunk. Now this is tragic, yes, but if someone had to die from planking I would have thought it would have at least been on a railroad track, cartoon style.

As heard around Australia

"She had a good wicket.."

My coworker when talking about a woman who died at 95, meaning she had a great inning in life in cricket terms.

Aussie Governement Budget - Retirees Score!

Julia Gillard and her gov have approved $350 to go to each pensioner (retiree) to put towards a digital cable box. So instead of subsidized medication, meal deliveries or social programs, granny will get to watch Japanese hijinks on the Game Show Network. The part that people are outraged over here is that a digital box only costs $99, and $251 will go towards a 3-minute installation. I think spending tax money to catapult the elderly into a couch potato comas is a wee bit wastier.

In and Out Burger Opens in Dallas, TX

Happy to be away on an occasion like this..

Chris Liley Strikes Again

One of my favorite parts about Australia? Chris Liley, the mastermind behind Summer Heights High.

His new series debuted last night and while the twin boys Daniel and Nathan are a little on the crude and annoying side (but still funny with the mainies), I really love the Gran character. I think his blackface take on American rap culture and the demanding Japanese mother debut next week.

Anyway, you can watch it on ABC.net.au! Click here

Young the Giant

Cool song that is on heavy rotation here:

Disaster is Lurking

Turn around... every now and then there is a massive horse, waiting to pounce. This perfectly timed photo is of a looming loose pony accident at the races in Warrnambool. I told you, horses ain't nothin but trouble.

Justice Beiber

In case you missed it, Justin Beiber was egged by a hater hiding in the rafters at his concert in Sydney. Glorious news. The sucky part is that not a single egg hit the comb-over that dreams are made of. The foolish vandal was arrested thanks to the fact that Facebook/Twitter will find you and take you down. I honestly think that Facebook will get all the credit in the CIA's "Geronimo"(Bin Laden) take down intelligence report once it is Wikileaked. Anyway, below I have embedded the You Tube 23-second video of the egging, but below is much better - when Biebs gets nailed with a water bottle at an American show. I really don't know how he manages to get out of bed, comb his locks, add his stem-cell-of-a-unicorn hair gel, and then go on stage to perform after all the flying artillery! It is so 1940's rotten tomatoes and I love it.

Food Industry Commentary

On Wednesday night, I attended a Food Awards Launch party at a contemporary art space downtown. This was basically a way for the awards committee to kiss their sponsors arses. However, they tried to add a bit of flavour to the night by hiring Cole Thomas, a 4-foot-9 chef from Georgia who has been here over 10 years.

Well Cole is famous for his levitating fish dish, but instead he treated us to prociutto hanging from a clothesline and witches' cauldron non alcoholic shots that are simply dry ice trickery borrowed from a low budget haunted houses at Halloween time back home. Also being from the States, I was not impressed. See him on the right - "he is just so wacky - darling, look at his drinks, they are smoking- but you can drink them - that is too wacky!"

More on his actual interesting work below:

Cole Thomas's levitating amuse-bouche, The Flying Fish, sees a nori-wrapped piece of tuna sashimi float above its dish - with not a wire or pulley in sight.

Told it was impossible, he managed to achieve his culinary feat by harnessing a variation of the Meissner Effect which - for those who've forgotten their high school physics - is the expulsion of a magnetic field from a superconductor during its transition to the superconducting state. In other words, Thomas has managed to doing something very tricky with magnetising agents, typically unmagnetisable organic matter, some dry ice and a $4000 ceramic tablet.

Media Spin Paints What Appears to be a Two-Story Used Car Parts Shed as a "Mansion"

Apparently Bin Laden was not armed when shot and killed. Well the part I take away from this news story is the photo of the "mansion" he was residing in, in Abbottabad. Change that to Alottabad, that place is a HOLE. I guess it is an upgrade from the caves that he was rumored to be occupying.









I guess I should post something Aussie. This kid from "Australia's Got Talent" is fourteen but clearly the balls have not dropped. He does a better Whitney Houston than most drag queens I've seen at the Tranny Bingo Parlour:

Highlights of Bin Laden Commentary on my Newsfeed

Here are some posts from May 2, 2011.


Last nite was just a reminder that you dont mess with the red, white and blue. It may take a week, a year , or ten years but sooner or later navy seals will drop into ur bunker and shot you in the head. I love this country.



RIP Osama Bin Laden - World Hide and Go Seek Champion (2001-2011)



I guess the US isn't totally going to hell in a ham basket after all!!




Well shit! Who are we going to blame all of our problems on now?!



Can't wait to kill osama in the next call of duty..




The people outside of the White House are being very disrespectful to the Bin Laden family




Breath a sigh of relief, fellow Democrats. We have Obama until 2016 now. Good riddance, Bin Laden. It's about time.




It took so long for me to get my sushi tonight, they killed Osama Bin Laden before I got my food.




does this mean i don't have to take my shoes off at the airport anymore?



Waiting for Bin Laden's twitter to confirm... Until then, think what you want




Trying to imagine being in the shoes of the badass that put the first bullet in the monster.



Thank you President Bush.



I wouldn't mind a Bill Pullman cameo during Obama's speech. Another great day to be an American.


"Obama is dead. Wait, what'd I say..." - Geraldo Rivera, you make a funny.


May 2, 1998 - The Dark Lord Voldemort is killed in the Battle of Hogwarts
May 2, 2011 (UK time) - Osama bin Laden (The Muggle Dark Lord) is killed


lets hope they are absolutely sure about this. it's going to be one hell of an awkward news conference if they find out it's not him a week from now.


Bin laden... now ur asss is bin dead!!!! hahahaha biotch!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


I bet Osama is pissed that he came out of hiding to watch the Royal Wedding..


"I loosened it." - Bush

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