Last Day of Summer in Australia..

What?

Whatever, its Friday

Australia Dominates Most Livable Cities Honors

Melbs - #2
Sydney - #7
Perth-# 8

Radelaide - #9
Ok, I know that Vancouver actually took top honors. Freaking Canada. But on this top cities list, Adelaide, the city where I live, was voted by the Huffington Post as the #9 best city to live in -- in the world! Perth was #8, Sydney was #7 and Melbourne was #2.

Last year's list was more mixed but this year Aus took 4 of the 11 best and Canada took three. Factors of basis include environment, health care, culture and infrastructure.

I have to hand it to Australia, there is always something culturally going on in Adelaide whether it be orchestras in the gardens, world music festivals or the random fashion show at the Italian Festival where hot babes strut in front of fat Italian immigrants shoving their face with meatballs.

Conspicuously not on the list? America. Not even our dear old beautiful granola-crunching Denver. The army of maple syrup farmers in Canada are quietly laughing aboot this.. but in moderation, of course.


See the full list here.

Ads Revoked!

I must admit, I was hypnotized when I read that Google would put ads on my blog, for free, and that I would get paid whenever any of my loyal readers would click them.

So here I was, blogging along, providing my misguided commentary on Australian life, while my ad account would quietly grow. Free money was just piling up in my little Google Ad Sense pigeon hole. Then, all of the sudden, I get this email from Google:

AdSense for Content The account associated with publisher ID ca-pub-0875729167024000 has been disabled. After reviewing our records, we've determined that your AdSense account
poses a risk of generating invalid activity. BAM!

Just like that they revoked my ads, took my accumulated $65+, and sent me packing. Now Google, I am not going to dignify your accusations with a reply (teehee), but I just want to say that I am not pleased that I now get bombarded with advertisements when taken to the "my blog posts are successful" page. Still feeling placed under the confines of your contracts, I wonder if these ads have been approved for me to click (I assume so because I am the only one who sees this page) when you have told me that I am not to personally click any ads on my site, ever (which I never have!). Stop baiting us with your ad candy, Google!




Ay, detectives are we, old mates?












and here is one more picture that takes the piss out of Google: I posted it bc I was cracking up when I found it -- what kind of detective needs to Google "hoodie" to get down to the bottom of a case?!!?

Planking

Planking (taking photos lying face down in public places) has made its way to Adelaide. The local radio station had people plank all over town. Its stupid but its kind of funny..















Her face is saying "your career is over"
































http://www.novafm.com.au/nova919/photo_planking-at-marion_256606

Cricket

Like baseball, with pitchers, catchers, batting and switching sides. But no gloves when they field the ball! Different variations of the game mean different time commitments: a 20-20 match (20 rounds for each side) is about 3 hours. 50-50 is about 6 hours and the test matches last for 5 days! The stadium in Adelaide is beautiful, and as you can see, I got a bit distracted from the sport and was taking photos. At least I actually sat in the stands. Some girls (and guys) go to the "member's section" and just drink behind the stadium all day!

Blueberry White Choc Tarts

I think due to the Commonwealth connection, pastries, pies and tarts are very prominent foods in Australia. I made these blueberry and white chocolate tarts and I think they turned out pretty good! Find the recipe here or here:

Ingredients

• 1 1/2 sheets frozen shortcrust pastry thawed
• 150 g white chocolate chips
• 1/3 cup cream
• 250 g fresh blueberries
• powdered sugar for dusting

Method

1. Preheat oven to 180 °C or 160 °C fan. Spray a 12-hole cupcake tray with oil.
2. Cut 12 x 7cm circles from pastry. Ease into prepared pan. Chill for 30 mins.
3. Cut 12 x 8cm circles from non-stick baking paper. To blind bake pastry cases (bake them into the correct shape), line with baking paper circles and fill with dried beans or rice. Bake for 10 mins. Remove paper and beans and bake papers for another 5 mins until golden. Cool.
4. Meanwhile, place chocolate and cream in a medium heatproof bowl. Place over saucepan of simmering water. Ensure the base of bowl does not touch water. Stir for 3-4 mins until chocolate has melted and mixture is smooth. Spoon mixture into tart cases. Refrigerate for 1 hr until firm.
5. Top with blueberries, dust with icing sugar.

Friday News Flash

A small town in Victoria called "Speed" has a population of just 45 people.. but over 30,000 FB users got involved in the campaign to change the name to "Speedkills" as a method to bring awareness to a nationwide anti-speeding campaign. Sheep farmer Phil Down thought he would get in on the publicity and legally change his name to Phil "Slowdown." Now I watched this 3 minute news clip this morning, and the name change was treated as a dramatic, selfless change for the town. However, both the news clip and the article I found online this morning mention at the very end, in one short sentence, "Both the town and Phil Down will revert to their original names in a month." All this publicity for a one-month giggle? I smell the works of the MAC "Creeper" Campaign, which is sometimes cutting edge, sometimes evoking imagery of pedophiles with their "Stop Creeping Around My School" ad that is on my jog route.




















An abalone diver fell victim to a shark attack. Methinks this was the handy work of two Great Whites. Although Australia is notorious for shark attacks, in 2010 the United States led the world with 36 incidents, followed by Australia with 14, South Africa with eight, and then Vietnam and Egypt both with six.



Australia to bail New Zealand out of shit... literally. Oz is sending over thousands of locally bred "dung beetles" to NZ to devour their cow poo, which is piling up and contaminating their grazable land. ABC News writes: "After decades of reducing flies, cutting greenhouse gas emissions like nitrous oxide, increasing pasture productivity and improving water quality here in Australia, this humble bug is now preparing for a new battlefield."





Happy Friday!

Aus-trail-li-ya... F*ck yeah!

A car at the coffee shop I go to every morning from work. I rate this three Oi's out of three on the Aussieness scale!

Adelaide News BURN

Saw this hilarious clip this morning on a news website. I love how well she delivers this line. And why the hell is that guy posing with an urn?!

Sky Texts, Airborne FB Posting and Cabin Tongue Flapping

Air New Zealand (the main airline of Australia's gorgeous but sillier younger sister) has announced that passengers may now use their cell phones for the duration of their flights.

Now I imagine this will affect my life as New Zealand and Australia are highly integrated when it comes to air travel. However I don't imagine this to be a good thing. Although it may make life easier being able to catch up with loved ones, alert your ride of flight delays and pass the time on a 14+ hour flight, the annoyance may outweigh the convenience.

Imagine being rudely awakened by a Fergie "My Humps" ringtone as you just start to drift off into sleep. Or having to overhear the one-sided conversation of the guy sitting next to you explain in detail what is involved in a vasectomy reversal (been there, heard that). Or sitting near the schleppy mom who is bouncing her crying baby on her knee, only now she is simultaneously bitching about it into her cell phone. Not to mention that losing probably the last viable excuse for being "unreachable" will probably push us into complete and utter technology dependence. And probably most irrationally, I cringe to think of what boring and pointless FB posts and tweets people will come up with regarding their seat, meal and movie selection. As if your posts about tiredness, your baby's drool and your itchy eyeball weren't enough. Take it back, Air New Zealand.. please?











"Give it to me, aaaaghhhhh"

Happy Valentine's Day Mate!

So today I am going to be a bit self indulgent and post about my first Australian Valentine's/Birthday. Here is a photo from my party.

I fully take credit for that cake that looks like a pound of lard. My boyfriend confessed that he has never baked a cake in his life (strangely pathetic and charming at the same time) so I didn't want to trust a newb to the number one most important element of the birthday. Should have had him make it in hindsight, that thing looks disgusting!

I also thought I should comment on the fact that it is pretty rad to have a summer birthday for once! Not that Florida's Feb is particularly frigid, but the feeling is just different.

Here is some LOL Valentine's stuff circulating around the web today (the first is a E-gift from my friend Ryan who is a fellow LOST fan)






Get all of them here on an awesome fellow blogspotter's blog.





























































































Not a LOST fan? Watch this clever Indian Valentines Ebay ad:

Thunder Down Under

Going camping any time soon? Found this online in the Crappers/Dunnies/Thrones section - the portable toilet called "The Thunder Down Under."

If you love the outdoors as much as we do... poop in this bucket with a toilet seat lid.

Bloke of Blokes

Whenever I bring up the name "Shane Warne" an Australian will always giggle. This ex-cricket legend makes Charlie Sheen seem like bland flavourless (see what I did there with the u?) yogurt.

Now from what I gather, Shane Warne is one of the nation's biggest celebrities, and is much celebrated for his triumphs on the cricket pitch. However its his "human errors" that make him so epic in my opinion.

When I was out with my friend Georgia last night, she was explaining Australia's relationship with him. She told me that her and her husband always joke that Australians just feel time after time "That Warnie has done it again!" and make endless excuses for him as if he was a victim of circumstance:

Caught giving inside sporting info to a book keeper? "That silly Warnie, he didn't know those were secrets!"

Sending lewd, harassing and most importantly, extramarital text messages to a South African woman? "Lighten up you prude, they couldn't be that bad!"

Failing his mandatory athlete drug test? "Warnie, we believe you that those were diuretics your mum gave you to lose weight!"

Bombarding a British nurse with erotic text messages? "Oh Warnie, maybe they were medically related!"

Being named the celebrity sponsor for the Quit (Smoking) Help Hotline and then getting in an altercation with teenage boys who snapped a photo of him smoking a cigarette? "Oh Warnie, boys will be boys!"

Being investigated for illegal celebrity endorsement of medical services when he was backing a hair-loss recovery company called "Advanced Hair"? This time Warnie spoke up for himself when investigated, and was quoted to have said: "There's only one thing that worries me, and that's hair loss."

In April 2007 Warne declared his renewed love and devotion to his wife (who he had strayed from many times) and moved her and his three kids to England. Then 6 months later he accidentally sent a sexual text message meant for another woman to his wife's cell phone? "Oh Warnie, we have all sent texts to the wrong person before! It happens!"

Being photographed in a hotel room wearing a g-string with two models and holding large sex toys? "Oh Warnie, you were just in the wrong place at the wrong time you poor thing!"

Looking this up online to confirm it, I thought I had accidentally gone to Wikileaks instead of Wikipedia because his page was so scandal-laden. I even found out that they made a musical about his life... Australians don't just respect him for sport but they adore him for pure comedic purposes!

(Warnie is now shacked up in his Melbourne home with Liz Hurley. Yes, Liz Hurley. Since writing this, I found this article on the Punch which pretty much confirms everything I have written in much more eloquent writing)

Outdoor Cinema

Last night I went to see The King's Speech as part of the Ford Fiesta Moonlight Cinema Series (nice sponsorship placement, just rolls off the tongue). The theater was a big screen located outdoors in the Botanic Gardens and the ambiance was almost perfect -- a summer night in a beautiful natural setting, sitting under the Southern Cross stars, with fireflies buzzing about.

The only thing that scarred this experience was the unnatural urge I had to M99 (that's Dexter speak for tranq) the extremely young offspring of this new mother who wouldn't walk her screaming 10-week-old baby out of the crowd. Good movie though!






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= A Nice Evening

Street Musician in Downtown Adelaide

Clip is a bit long, but you'll LOL when you detect which tune this "bikey" (Australian for biker) is serenading you with

T-Shirt for the Cause

I came across this sweet tee on Threadless' website - and the bonus is that $9 of the $12 cost goes towards rebuilding the flood damage in Australia, Brazil and Sri Lanka.

I ordered one quick!

Its a bit Noah's ark-esque but I dig the colors and the fact that that cheetah is showing some commendable restraint.

George Washington Would Be Proud

I was reading an article in the paper yesterday about a former teacher's trial for conducting inappropriate relations with a student. Instead of the usual shamed-head-hung-low-as-he-walks-into-court pic of the perp, there was a judge in an old fashioned 18th century white wig.





btchpls













Now I think the wardrobe could use a bit of updating --- or do they? If I were sitting trial, I wouldn't be shattered about my verdict, simply because I couldn't take a man in a bogus Thomas Jefferson costume seriously!

Why put judges in "traditional" costumes and no one else? How about keeping other professionals looking like the "good ole days?"






The Fuzz














Gettin your hair did














Hey look, 18th century dogs can play the piano















This surgical mask on the plague doctor shown here could double as a towel rack. Surgery gets messy.

















Even dragon cartoons are more fun now

Superbowl Monday?

Feeling a bit homesick today as Superbowl Monday just does not carry the same ring. That and the fact that there are barely any viewing parties, commercials are just regular old Aussie ones (which can be funny but its not the same) and I have just checked in at work and will not be watching the game. I'll make myself feel a bit better by saying that both teams are disgusting!

Side note: a local Aussie company posted the menu from Barack Obama's Superbowl party. Isn't his wife on a health food rampage across the states? This food is over-the-top junk. Like when a vegetarian starts eating meat again, going back to looking at menus like this made me feel nauseated.

Greetings from Wee Waa

I'm constantly amused by the names of towns, cities, mounts and lakes here in Australia. They sound as if they were named by heavy marijuana users, cool aboriginals that don't give a shit, or a prude British settler who was unimaginative and struggling under the stronghold of heavy depression.

Pothead names:
Cock Wash - City in SA
Chinaman's Knob - a hill in VIC
Pimpinbudgie -City in QLD
Tom Ugly - City in NSW
Tittybong - City in VIC

Aboriginal names that make you feel silly to say:
Woolloomooloo - City in NSW, means "young kangaroo"
Poowong - City in VIC, means "carrion"
Wee Waa - City in NSW, "means fire for roasting"
Boing Boing - City in NT, means "mosquitos buzzing"

These are the titans of bleakness (my favorites):
Eggs and Bacon Bay - TAS, must have had a positive breakfast experience here
Foul Bay - in SA, hopefully not closeby
Mount Buggery - VIC, couldn't be buggered to climb it
Nowhere Else - SA, I'm puzzled
Useless Loop - WA, what about the Salt Mine that's there?
Lake Disappointment - really promising tourist spot in WA

OPI Stop It, You Are Embarassing Me

So I am flipping through the David Jones department store catalogue this morning, and my jaw dropped when I saw this new line of "whip-cracking" OPI nail lacquer. Some may say this is a tribute to Texas, but I cry abomination.

"Its Totally Fort Worth It?" Mildly irritating.

"Do You Think I'm Tex-y?" Ugh, nauseating.

They forgot the "Now" in the "Y'all Come Back Ya Hear?"

"Don't Mess With OPI?" Btch Pls.

"I Don't Want to be A-Lone Star?" Whoever wrote this is destined for a life of solitude.

"HOUSTON WE HAVE A PURPLE?!?!?!"

I took the liberty of scanning in the magazine so you could see how silly it looks.

Now upon further research, I found out that this line is not just in Australia, but is international. As a girl who is heavily rooted in Texas, I am so embarrassed that this campaign is reducing a place with so much personality to these silly, cliche nail polish names. And yes, in Australia they cost $19.95 a bottle!