Bloke of Blokes

Whenever I bring up the name "Shane Warne" an Australian will always giggle. This ex-cricket legend makes Charlie Sheen seem like bland flavourless (see what I did there with the u?) yogurt.

Now from what I gather, Shane Warne is one of the nation's biggest celebrities, and is much celebrated for his triumphs on the cricket pitch. However its his "human errors" that make him so epic in my opinion.

When I was out with my friend Georgia last night, she was explaining Australia's relationship with him. She told me that her and her husband always joke that Australians just feel time after time "That Warnie has done it again!" and make endless excuses for him as if he was a victim of circumstance:

Caught giving inside sporting info to a book keeper? "That silly Warnie, he didn't know those were secrets!"

Sending lewd, harassing and most importantly, extramarital text messages to a South African woman? "Lighten up you prude, they couldn't be that bad!"

Failing his mandatory athlete drug test? "Warnie, we believe you that those were diuretics your mum gave you to lose weight!"

Bombarding a British nurse with erotic text messages? "Oh Warnie, maybe they were medically related!"

Being named the celebrity sponsor for the Quit (Smoking) Help Hotline and then getting in an altercation with teenage boys who snapped a photo of him smoking a cigarette? "Oh Warnie, boys will be boys!"

Being investigated for illegal celebrity endorsement of medical services when he was backing a hair-loss recovery company called "Advanced Hair"? This time Warnie spoke up for himself when investigated, and was quoted to have said: "There's only one thing that worries me, and that's hair loss."

In April 2007 Warne declared his renewed love and devotion to his wife (who he had strayed from many times) and moved her and his three kids to England. Then 6 months later he accidentally sent a sexual text message meant for another woman to his wife's cell phone? "Oh Warnie, we have all sent texts to the wrong person before! It happens!"

Being photographed in a hotel room wearing a g-string with two models and holding large sex toys? "Oh Warnie, you were just in the wrong place at the wrong time you poor thing!"

Looking this up online to confirm it, I thought I had accidentally gone to Wikileaks instead of Wikipedia because his page was so scandal-laden. I even found out that they made a musical about his life... Australians don't just respect him for sport but they adore him for pure comedic purposes!

(Warnie is now shacked up in his Melbourne home with Liz Hurley. Yes, Liz Hurley. Since writing this, I found this article on the Punch which pretty much confirms everything I have written in much more eloquent writing)